Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Now I am Ready...

..to write what happened.

I was scheduled to do the pregnancy test on August 12. Of course, it's a mixed feelings for us. Then on August 11, I saw a faint red stain but still I am keeping my hopes high. All am thinking is probably that is just implantation bleeding or anything but definitely not my period. Am still in denial I assume but I texted hubby about it.

After office hours, still on the 11th, we bought pregnancy test kitS as in plural form(ewan ko ba pag bumibili ako ng PT kits di pwedeng isa lang, addict ata ako sa preg tests). Then that same night I got my period. I did not even get the chance to use the pregnancy test and get to feel that stressful 10 seconds of waiting if it's one line or two. Needless to say, I cried hard. I can hear my husband whispering that it's okay and that it's just the first IUI. And that made me cry harder.

The Next Day

So on August 12, we went to the OB since I was able to collect myself again and am ready to try another cycle with injectibles and IUI again. I already did a mind-setting this time. Suddenly, my OB said that we need to do an ultrasound to check on my follicles. There, she saw that I have 1 unraptured follicle.

And because of that, we cannot proceed with injecting follicle stimulating hormones (FSH) since this would not give good results. We need to get rid of that unraptured follicle first. She prescribed me with a contraceptive pill. So naturally that means that NO serious work ups for this cycle. I left the clinic that day with a heavy heart.

I have been preventing my tears from falling the moment I left my OB's room since there were still some patients waiting for their turn then. The moment I climbed in the car, I can't help but cry. Hubby was there to console me but the more he does, the harder I cried. And this is just what I needed - a heartfelt downfall of tears! I need to let this frustration and disappointment out so that I can go on again. So I let myself free and cried my heart out!

And now, AGAIN I am ready... There's still another cycle, and another and another and this goes on until we already have that precious gift in our hands...

10 comments:

AiDiSan said...

Jo,

Your patience and determination is commendable. I'm sure God can see that, but keep in mind...He'll give it to you at the perfect time 'coz He knows best.

Take it easy Jo.

ivy said...

Sis,

We have almost the same story last June. Just when I thought I ovulated (egg white creamy mucus), we had contact. Two weeks wait seems taking forever. Within those two weeks, I felt all pregnancy symptoms (that could also be PMS). The day I decided to buy the PT, Aunt Flo arrived! We later found out that I have one unraptured follice at about 3.5cm. I took duphaston but and it took me 14 days (after taking my last pill) to get my period. Usually it would just take 5 days from the last pill. I saw my OB yesterday and she told me one more cycle of Duphaston then after Aunt Flo, that's the time we'll have another scan to check on the follicular cyst.

Jo, what you are going through is really diffucult since you have taken steps already to make it right. Just hang on tight, let God be your seatbelt, He will take care of you.

Good Luck to US!

Mich said...

again, my hats off to you for being so positive and patient! God will definitely reward you with a precious little one in his time. :)

mari said...

stay strong mare... as long as kaya, go for it. don't lose hope even if everything seems to crumble down. your prayers and perseverance will be answered in due time :)

maanne said...

sis, you've done the right thing, just cry it out, it's better to let go of the bitter feeling rather than keeping it... just always remember that the big man up there has his own reason why such things happen! just keep the faith and there's always next time...
hang in there sis & be strong1
God Bless...

mjane said...

hi..I just want you to know that we have the same sentiments. we don't know each other but i have been religiously following your blog especially about fertility.( guess i'm a fan! hehe) You see, we have the same OB & I'm desperately trying to get pregnant. I had the same course of fertility pills as you though after the 3rd course of clomiphene, i had positive results. Last aug 4, i had a positive pregnancy test but 2 days later after suffering from severe pelvic pain, ectopic pregnancy was considered. finally, after all efforts were exhausted to save my baby, i had exploratory laparotomy last aug 9. We may have different experiences but i know that we have the same agony.
I'm just sharing this to you because everytime i read your blog, it makes me realize that I'm not the only one feeling this way. And you're blog uplifts my spirit.
God bless... and hopefully you'll have your angel soon.

Arlene Tabamo said...

to all my friends who have given their support, many many thanks to all of you.... you just don't know how much all these comments mean to us.. :)

@mjane - you know what, this blog helps me release all my emotions that is why i love blogging so much.. and now that you told me that this blog helps you uplift your spirit too, then i think i super love blogging now. for all i know it helps me but knowing that i am helping or serving as an inspiration for another single soul, wow that is really something.

keep on checking my blog and posting your comments.... from here i know we can help and encourage one other.. through your stories, i know you've been through a lot too but WE are NOT giving up... never!

i am hoping that we'll meet someday at dra's clinic both having our own baby bumps. thanks for the comment! :)

Metropolismom said...

Hi Sis,

I always believe in Fate and good timing.Don't be too stressed. I am sure you will receive your own gift from God in time.

Keep up your spirit. I will pray for you.

Love lots!

pinch said...

hang in there...good things come to those who wait.

Zhey said...

Wow, you had IUI? I have always wondered about it and of course, about how much it would cost. But then again, hubby and I have already decided to stop the treatments altogether and just let God do His job. If He will give us a baby, He will in His time. It took a while for me to accept that, I think I still am in the process of accepting it fully, but at least I am getting there and I feel more peaceful now than I did before.
Thanks for coming by my blog, I have met several people on the net who go to Co-Sy and their work ups failed so I'm beginning to think, maybe I should form our support group soon, huh? Lol.
Where in Pampanga are you located?